As I sit here typing out a post about how to stop self-sabotaging yourself, guess what I'm doing, sabotaging myself by thinking how tired I am, telling myself, 'I can do this later,' and doing everything else but finish this post. But here's the thing, these are all elements of both fear and self-worth, which is the root of self-sabotage.
When I look back at past to-do lists and goals I've planned that went unfinished and unaccomplished, I think about how I allowed myself to sabotage them before I even tried. I bullied myself with negative self-talk, basking in the fear of what I believed I couldn't do, instead of focusing on the tools and skills I had/have. I thought the only way to get what I wanted and to be where I wanted to be was to intimidate myself, but that only made me rebel against myself more and forced me deeper into fear. Because I became tired, both physically and emotionally, I first learned to acknowledge what I was feeling to heal the relationship I had with myself and learn how to stop self-sabotaging so I could achieve the success I was destined too. If you're guilty of this, here are five ways you can stop self-sabotaging your success.
I. Identify your behaviors
When I learned to identify my behaviors, I was able to change them. Listen to what you're thinking and telling yourself; what are your eating and sleeping habits? Can you change these practices to make you feel better about yourself?
Here are a few of my behaviors:
• Speaking negatively to myself
• Comparing my success to others
• Procrastinating and putting things off
• Not allowing myself to rest and get quality sleep
• Watching TV, being on social, daydreaming when I should be working
Mean thoughts and behaviors are often tied together, and the story you're telling yourself about yourself is what will be projected out through your work, emotions, and physical form; it's a vicious cycle that will not end until you identify the behaviors and take the actions to change them.
Because thoughts and behaviors are tied together, if you're thinking negatively about yourself, your self-worth will be negative as well. Also, you have to STOP comparing yourself to others and exaggerating their achievements while diminishing your own because this is proving to yourself that you can't or shouldn't do what you want to do. You're not meant to be a clone of someone else; you're meant to be your most authentic self; do not limit yourself and your self-worth by imitating or wanting to emulate someone else. The best example of this is Cardi B; she has leveled up, put in the work, remained her authentic self, and achieving success; this is the blueprint.
III. Let go of fear
Fear is the root that holds us back from everything; it's the root, the stem, and the bud of every negative emotion we feel. You can be fearful of success just as you would failure, and to stop self-sabotaging yourself, you have to let go of fear. The same inner voice that tells you, 'I can do this later,' is the same voice that feeds your fear, but you must face those fears and consciously identify and actively ignore that voice, and start putting the work in.
IV. Stop procrastinating
I've always procrastinated; I can remember being in school and waiting until the last minute to get my homework and papers done. I used the excuse, 'I work better under pressure,' and while that may be true, procrastination is another form of self-sabotaging your success. Many times you may not realize that you're procrastinating when you are; if you're watching TV or scrolling through social media when you should be finishing a project, you're procrastinating. Check your habits; how does procrastination show up in your daily life? What action steps can you do to change them? Don't be afraid of success; this is why you're doing the work—stop putting it off.
V. Redefine success for yourself
Success means something different to each of us; this is why it's important not to compare yourself to others. What does success look like for you? Is your idea of success antiqued or unrealistic for the space you're in now; meaning, you want to quit your 9-5, but haven't set yourself up to be a freelancer or entrepreneur. Redefine what success means to you, so you can put in the necessary work and stop sabotaging the work you're already doing. For so long my idea of success was based on monetary value and being at the same level of XYZ, but once I refined what success looked like to me, I was able to put in the necessary work to get me to the level I want to be.